Mores Manor: The Art of the Invitation

Art of an Invitation:

There is just something special about receiving an invitation. Growing up, children get so excited when they get invitations to birthday parties in their cubbies or left on their desks. Just because we get older doesn’t mean the excitement goes away. Whether it is a birthday, a wedding, a grand opening, a formal dinner, it is a wonderful feeling to be invited to someone’s special occasion/celebration. An invitation is a “stage setter” for any event. If the event is extravagant, the invitation should be extravagant, heck over the edge extravagant. If the event is formal, casual, or something in between, the invitation should always match the occasion.  

Key information for the invitation

You know an invitation is flawless when you read it and have zero questions when done. The wording on the invite gives all the information required about the occasion/celebration. Regardless of the type of invitation, they should all follow etiquette and provide some of the most basic information. WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, RSVP INFORMATION, ATTIRE.

Common Invite Verbiage and Tips

While format will vary greatly among different types of invitations, verbiage used is often very similar.  There is no limit to the words you can use on an invitation, but it should always be specific to avoid answering questions about the event after they have received the invite. Below are some common phrases, tips, and considerations to assist in writing invitations:

Ø  “You and one guest are cordially invited to attend a reception......”

Ø  “Mr. John Doe, Chief Executive Officer, requests the pleasure of your company at….”

Ø  “requests the honor of your presence at a memorial service in honor of…”

Ø  “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request the honor of your presence….”

Ø  “… at the marriage of”; “at a formal dinner in honor of”; “at a ceremony in honor of”; “to the christening of their son”

Ø  Always spell out the date, time, and do not use acronyms if they can be avoided.

Ø  Always have cultural awareness of the honoree and your invited guests (for example, if having a reception during lent or knowing what to serve at a Bar Mitzvah).

Ø  Always include an RSVP Date and Contact.

Ø  Make sure the invitation reflects the type of event. Formal = Formal; Casual = Casual.

Ø  Be specific to eliminate confusion.

Ø  Know and accept ahead of time, you can’t please everyone.

Ø  If you have not received an invitation, it is not ok to request one.

These are mere wave tops of all things “invitation”. There are invitations to so many different occasions all of which can have a different tone or social setting. Doing research on culture, attendance, and knowing expectations of hosts or the honoree are all ways to set yourself up for success.

 

Mores Manor: Etiquette and Your Personal Brand

     Branding has come a long way in recent years. It is no longer just about marketing a business or a establishing a logo and brand, but also about the person. You can find hundreds of articles on improving your personal brand, but let's take a look at simple things that can impact your personal brand. A personal brand should identify what you stand for; who are you as a person; and, and what your promise is to your customer or audience? And at the end of the day, a personal brand should also be a peek into your authenticity. Businesses, influencers, and everyday people looking to get their name out there, use social media platforms such as TikTok and Instagram to boost their personal brand. However, we cannot forget the oldest and a very reliable way to boost your brand is simple "face to face" communication. So, back to the question: can etiquette impact your brand? 

 

Building a Successful Personal Brand

 

1.    Who you are: Your brand should clearly define who you are and what you stand for as a person and as a business. 

2.    What do you want to be known for: What is your purpose, what is your business, what is your need from an external audience?

3.    Audience: Who does your brand cater to? Should you expand your reach?

4.    Cultural Awareness: Understanding the cultures and values you are surrounded by and using them to build your brand. 

5.    The competition: Find ways to set yourself apart from your professional competition.

6.    First Impressions: No matter what anyone says, first impressions are lasting impressions.

 

How does etiquette fit in?

 

1.    Who you are: Having proper etiquette and manners contributes to your brand and becomes part of your identity. Do you use proper forms of address when speaking to others or introducing yourself or others? Do you smile when you enter a room? Do you use the correct form of introduction like shake hands or bow? Are your manners noteworthy?

2.    What do you want to be known for: Other than your business model, what do you want to be known for? Being rude or being courteous; properly introducing yourself or showing lack of mores in a public situation; chewing with your mouth open at a business lunch or having proper dining etiquette. 

3.    Audience: Are you engaging the right audience; are you aware of proper business etiquettes when forging partnerships or building networks? 

4.    Cultural Awareness: Imagine wearing cultural lenses where each culture looks at life and business through a different colored lens. Understanding multi-cultural audiences and their intentions verses your perceptions is a key to success. Failure to do so can certainly affect the way others perceive you and in turn negatively impact your brand. Always have an open attitude and be willing to learn. Self-awareness and awareness of cultural differences give you a more holistic understanding of a situation and/or relationship.  

5.    The competition: Distinguish yourself from the competition; use manners, etiquettes and mores to influence others and distance yourself from negative people and behaviors. 

6.    First Impressions: From the entrance you make, to your body language, to your posture, and to the way you introduce yourself first impressions make a world of difference in personal branding. Having a smile on your face, being open to communication and observing demands of others are a great way to begin initial conversations.  

 

    Your personal brand is about you; what you stand for and who you are. Weaving everyday etiquettes into your brand will set you apart from others who tend to forgo using it as a business tool. Networking and exploring new markets, while demonstrating your business savvy and etiquette builds a strong foundation for you, for your brand and for your business. After all, your behavior (good and bad) reflects your brand and impacts other’s perception of you and what you stand for!

 

A Few of the Best Book References in the Game

Below is a list of some of my favorite protocol and etiquette books that I have used throughout my career. They are not necessarily in order, but I must tell you that if you are a teacher, a protocol consultant, or an etiquette professional, they are wonderful references to have on hand. No matter how long you have been in the business, it’s always good to brush up on or verify your knowledge.

1. “Protocol: The Complete Handbook of Diplomatic Official and Social Usage” by: Mary Jane McCaffree, Pauline Innis and Richard M. Sand.
2. “Etiquette, 19^th Edition, Manners for Today” by Emily Post
3. “Modern Manners” by Dorothea Johnson and Liv Tyler
4. “A Kids’ Guide to Manners: 50 Fun Etiquette Lessons for Kids (and Their Families)” by Katherine Flannery
   
5. “The Blue Book of Stationary: The Definitive Guide to Social and Business Correspondence Etiquette” updated by Pamela Eyring and Robert Hickey
   
   
   
   

These books cover everything from seating to invites to dining to fun tips. Even someone with years of experience could benefit from brushing up on the world of protocol and etiquette. If you have any favorite books, please comment below, I would love to add to my library! Happy Reading!

 

 

Why Manners Always Matter

Manners are usually a foundation of child rearing all over the world. I use the word "usually" because we all have run into a rude person or two either in a friendship circle or the guy (or gal) at the work water cooler or a stranger walking down the sidewalk who clearly lack the niceties manners bring to society.  No matter your experience, manners are the backbone of cultured societies everywhere from the Golden Rule which touches every human and every culture to something as simple as closing your mouth as you chew. Today, the workplace and our social atmospheres are so diverse from culture to race to age it can be tough to find things in common with one another.  However, there is one thing that can help bridge the gap between generations, coworkers, and even strangers and that is manners.  Manners are in everything from how you sit and eat to saying please and thank you; and they can also be what makes your first impression a lasting one. 

  

Manners versus Etiquette

There are some who believe that manners and etiquette are synonymous, and I can certainly understand why. But, a good way to look at it is manners are behavioral in nature and often taught to children at a very young age. Whereas etiquette can be looked at as a code of conduct or societal rules used in specific situations and cultures and are learned at an appropriate age. Furthermore, etiquette is usually followed by people with good manners. Manners are taught by parents and family members and etiquettes are often taught at finishing schools or specialized academies. Manners are also very similar across different cultures whereas etiquettes will vary among them. 

A good example to demonstrate the difference between manners and etiquette is as simple as an introduction. Good manners mean you always introduce new individuals into a group whether in a business or social setting. The etiquette of introductions can vary based off a culture. For example, in the United States we are taught to introduce someone or yourself and shake each other's hands (in current COVID Environment, most bump elbows or forgo an act of physical introduction). However, when in Japan or China, an introduction involves a bow; in South America, Africa and other countries it can be a hug and not a handshake. 

Matter of Manners

Now, let's dive into the heart of it. As we transition from children to teenagers to adults, there is something every stage has in common and that is developing and strengthening relationships. These relationships can either be personal or business, but they all begin with first impressions. What would your first impression be to meet someone for the first time and they do not smile at you or give you their name or even reach out to shake your hand. Immediately, I would be put off by the lack of enthusiasm and manners in a simple introduction. I cannot imagine a situation like that would garner anything positive. Will Rogers once said, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." Some believe it takes all of 30 seconds to make an impression and what you do in those 30 seconds can make or break you in relationships. Bad first impressions are very often hard to overcome. Set yourself up for good first impressions by making good manners a foundation into who you are and how you interact with others. 

Top 10: Quick and Easy Must Learn Manners

1) Make eye contact when speaking to others. 

2) Always say, "please" and "thank you" and when in doubt, always choose kindness.

3) Never interrupt conversation.

4) Have proper manners at the table: chew with mouth closed, place napkin in your lap, do not reach across the table for something, ask for someone to pass it. 

5) Put away your phone at the dinner table or in business meetings.  

6) Say, "excuse me" when you would like to get someone's attention; or, say "excuse me" when you would like to leave the table. 

7) Keep foul language out of the conversation.

8) Always introduce those in your group who are not familiar. Learn the proper way to introduce. 

9) No matter your age, always address your elders properly with "sir" or "ma'am".

10) Cover your mouth with your elbow when you cough or sneeze.